For those of you who thought you missed last week’s newsletter, you didn’t. Following our edition entitled ‘Highway to belle’ I went into hiding and hung the pen up for the week.
Well, delighted to announce that at a time when some agents are rumoured to be in dark board rooms plotting the next big thing there is a new dawn upon us.
Finally, agents across the land have come together in a private summit to agree on measures to improve the relationship with the general public.
Yes, I’ve secretly chaired meetings amongst myself and select peers to agree on the following measures to win the public over.
Here are the highlights of what actions will be take effect immediately:
- A staged decrease in the use of hair plugs, Botox and extreme teeth whitening amongst all real estate professionals.
- A ban on agents continuously calling innocent homeowners to ‘check in’ and ask about their kids, their dog and/or any other woeful ploys to keep the listing lead lukewarm.
- A reduction in the leasing of overpowered European cars on our streets, along with an immediate ban on personalized number plates.
- All social media posts involving agent’s personal holidays, hugging of children, and sponsoring zoo animals will be banned.
- All awkward and poorly produced weekly market report videos will be removed from the internet, (with a high priority on those that start with ‘Hi Guys').
- An immediate ceasefire in the practice known as ‘sign jumping.’ This is when agents that didn’t get the listing continuously ring the owner of the property making false claims about mystery Chinese buyers, secret buyers and of course cashed up buyers with no access to REA and Domain.
- An enquiry will be launched into agents who don’t return phone calls and also market properties with no price guide (oddly these two behaviours’ seem to coincide).
What a wonderful time to be alive?! These really are the good old days.
Happy April fool’s day friends, I’ve gotta run….plenty of check-ins to make and signs to jump.
Until next week,
David Murphy